Hear Me Out: The Edit

Gosh, I thought I’d never get the chance to put another post out with the level of work I’ve had to deal with lately, but here we are. Ironically enough, I got the idea for this post while chatting with a few coworkers after an overly long day.

Picture this: It’s way past 5:00 PM. I’m nowhere near the end of my to-do list, but I’m still taking my “phone breaks” every ten minutes to scroll through Instagram Reels. That’s when I see one of the most trending hashtags of the week pop up again: #NeverGettingMarried.

It was one of those wedding guest “edits,” and I stopped to show the person on my right the looks I’d been obsessed with all week. (Rightfully so—that wedding gave everything it was supposed to give). Her first question was: “Wait, why is that the hashtag?”

So, I took her down memory lane to a “special” day on Nigerian Twitter: the day Fisayo Longe decided to say the most controversial thing possible. She said she was never getting married. You can only imagine the uproar.

It was—and still is—funny to me. I know myself to be someone who wants to find my person and get married one day. And while I’m empathetic to the reasons people have against it, I don’t really care if someone else talks down on marriage. Not even if that person were Beyoncé herself.

I’m a strong believer in allowing people their opinions; only they know the “why” behind their choices. But in no way, shape, or form does their opinion have to become mine. I don’t want to be afraid to listen to myself and determine what works best for me.

When I told my coworker this, she was kind of like, “Huh?” She wondered why someone of influence would say such a thing—likely tilting people toward her opinion—only to wake up one day and do the exact opposite.

Again, I found that funny. Not because I didn’t understand her confusion, but because I struggle to understand why one person’s opinion should overly influence how you feel about something in the first place—especially something as subjective as marriage or having kids.

The conversation opened a can of worms. Suddenly, five or six people were turned away from their laptops, fully engaged. Someone else chimed in, waving the whole thing off: “Isn’t that what people do? It’s easy to have a strong opinion when you’re not in a position to feel otherwise.”

Think of it like parenting. Everyone swears they won’t do what their parents did. They vow to adopt “gentle parenting”—until they have a kid in their “terrible twos,” and suddenly those old-school punishment techniques start looking real familiar.

The point is, anyone can feel one way today and the exact opposite tomorrow. That is allowed. So why would you change your life’s trajectory to fit someone else’s opinion—an opinion that could change in a matter of seconds?

Which brings me to my callout: Are we living in other people’s traumas?

That isn’t even my quote, funny enough. As our office chat turned into a heated discussion about whether people speak from a place of genuine conviction or just unhealed trauma, someone pointed out that this is the core issue with social media today.

People share their personal experiences online (treating the internet like a safe space, weirdly enough), and because of our empathy or our search for meaning, we internalize them. We start experiencing second-hand trauma. Constant exposure to these “horror stories” begins to warp our view of reality.

Social media is generalized; it isn’t tailored to your unique circumstances. Whatever caused Fisayo to say she wasn’t getting married at the time may be something you don’t relate to in the slightest. Making a life decision based on someone else’s unique context is, frankly, crazy to me.

Take Megan Thee Stallion—our H-Town Hottie. She’s been cheated on again (bless her), and I’m already seeing posts from people saying they’ll “never trust a man again” or “never do the wifey sh*t without a ring.”

And I’m just like… you’re really convinced this will be your story too?

There is an anxiety that comes with over-identifying with someone else’s negative experiences. I’m not saying we should live in “La-La-Land” and pretend bad things never happen. But we must learn to assess and determine what is ours and what is theirs.

Consider context. Consider your personal needs.

I grew up hearing my dad repeatedly say, “You don’t need friends.” I know his personal experiences led him to that conclusion, but I had to make an intentional effort not to internalize it. I realized I could take his warnings as advice to keep in my back pocket without having to tattoo “No New Friends” on my forehead.

Context matters. We have to find the balance between empathy and self-awareness. Your journey is different from your family’s, and it’s definitely different from a random influencer’s.

Don’t let someone else’s “never” become your “no.”